As I sit on this flight to Los Angeles, I look at where I was just over a year ago, and I can’t help but be reminded that God is always moving. He’s moving in the small details, He’s moving in the closed doors, He’s moving in the quiet moments when it feels like no-one hears your prayers or your cries.
This past year has been a year of letting go of any
expectations I had for myself, or for my life. It was letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be. It was letting go of identities placed on me by others and identities I placed on myself - because the only identity that matters is my identity in Christ.
Being a nurse in a high level NICU
Moving to Florida
Buying a House
Remodeling a House
Having a comfortable job (financially, with benefits, 401k, etc)
I had worked so hard for each of these. All these things seem normal and aren’t inherently wrong. Why then did I start to feel convicted by the very presence of them?
When our identity shifts from ourselves to our identity in Christ, our perspective shifts - and this will look different for every single person - But for me, I knew things had to change. I knew where I was, wasn’t where I was going. I knew if I didn’t listen to the Holy Spirit, I would continue to be miserable.
So while I continued to be a nurse, I quit my comfortable, consistent NICU job that I had worked so hard for - without a backup plan - to see what God had in store. It turns out what He had in store was more than I could have ever hoped or dreamed, and He never ceased to provide for my needs in the meantime, even though some days or months were a struggle and a sacrifice.
Since quitting my job I have been blessed with the incredible opportunity to work alongside Extra Mile Pediatrics - who exist to provide access to Pediatric specific medical care in communities where significant barriers to care exist. It was through this work, that I was also introduced to One Atta Time - who exist to bring clean water to communities with significant barriers or complete lack of access. Now I have the unique privilege of working alongside both organizations to improve the health of our communities together.
It was through this past year, working alongside these organizations & being sensitive to the Holy Spirit, that I started to feel uncomfortable in the comfortable (yet again). I had worked so hard to move to
Florida. I bought a house. I remodeled that house. But all of that began to feel like a burden, not a blessing. On one trip to El Salvador in particular, I remember mediating and praying, showing the Lord my heart and asking Him to show me His… and He did.
I asked Him if He wanted me to continue to do this work, how would He have me to continue it. He very specifically answered me and said “I need you to sell your house”. The very thing that had started to feel like a burden. The very thing that I had begun to question. It made sense, even if I didn’t think I was ready for such a bold move and even if I wasn't sure how that would bring me closer to this work I had started.
So I did what any rational person would do. I thought it through rationally and systematically. I acknowledged God’s call on my heart, but I didn’t believe He meant right now. Well, maybe deep down I knew He meant now, but I wasn’t ready to accept it.
So months went by and I continued to feel burdened and anxious, like I was doing the wrong thing - even though from the outside it seemed like I had it all together. I think in general when God is calling us to do something big, we won’t feel like we have it together - or should I say, we won’t have it together. Because God wants to force us to fully rely on Him in those difficult parts. That’s where true growth happens.
So to make a long story short, once I realized I had to sell my house and the time was now not later, I jumped into it - even though I didn’t really know what “it” was. I started looking into what it would look like to leave Florida and sell my house. Where would I go, if I was no longer where I thought I would be forever? That is when the Lord started placing Lynchburg back on my heart. The same place I had left 5 years ago.
After applying to an unrealistic amount of jobs and hearing nothing, I was to a point where it didn’t matter. I had to go whether I had a job lined up or not, and I had to know God would provide. He had made that much clear. So after hearing nothing from any job prospects, the day came to sign the lease to the apartment. It was 9am the morning of, and I received a call to a job I had applied to at 10pm the night before. I had an on the spot interview and they immediately offered me the job. I laughed to myself that just moments ago I was questioning my decision to jump without a parachute. The reality is though, God is always the parachute - and these are the moments I feel the closest to Him and am reminded of the amazing God I serve.
This job won’t be a forever job - but it was a provision sent to me from the Lord to care for my needs in this moment - and for that I am grateful.
I followed my heart and sold my house! So jumping forward for a minute, I’ve been back in Virginia for about a month now. Since arriving, I was contacted by the Liberty University School of Nursing for a position I applied to 2 months ago - a position I wouldn’t have qualified for if I wasn’t living in Virginia. Are you seeing what I’m seeing too? God knows what He’s doing - He always knows. On top of that, the University will be paying for me to pursue my Masters in Nursing with a focus in Community Health. That will allow me to directly impact the communities we’re a part of in Guatemala and El Salvador through different research projects with practical applications. This will give me even more of an opportunity to spend additional time in these communities doing what I love; and it will give me a chance to share my passion with my nursing students and allow them to become a part of the solution to the global health crisis. I never could have paid for this alone and I never could have orchestrated this the way God has.
All this to say, sometimes God asks us to move when we’re blindfolded, when we feel like we don’t have a parachute, when we can’t see the ground underneath our feet. Those are the moments I want to keep diving into, because they always end up better than I could have planned for His glory.
So let me recap. I’m on my way to Los Angeles to meet up with the One Atta Time team for trainings and the 10 year anniversary fundraiser. By the time you read this, the week will be over and I’m excited to announce I’ve been preparing a project to train country leaders in how to implement anti-parasitic treatment with medications for everyone who receives a clean water filter. So not only will we provide access to clean water, but a real solution for treating the parasites they’ve already contracted by drinking contaminated water. This will launch in 2024, and I’m so excited to be on this launch team and to be a part of this process.
Everything I do is only possible because of God and I will continue to follow his guidance wherever He leads. He has shown me His heart for people that He cares deeply about and has given me the honor, privilege, and responsibility of caring for them too.
I wrote this July 8, 2021 “You want more. Find more. Seek it. Know it. Find more no matter what it takes. Complacency is the root of stagnation, and stagnation kills the soul. Stagnation breeds boredom and complacency in an endless cycle on repeat, until you wake up and find yourself questioning all that has become. Step out. Do what you know you are capable of. Do what you know you must. You were meant for more”
And this on July 9, 2021 “What I know now is that I cannot settle. I cannot settle for something that is less than me, something that is less than myself and what I am capable of. To settle is to turn your back on your destiny. To settle is to give up”
It’s amazing how if you listen to that inner voice, if you listen to God moving in and through you, He will do big things in and through you. These excerpts are just a little reminder of that.
So the takeaway is this. Be bold. Be brave. Do that thing inside your chest, the thing that's pushing and clawing at you. Do it even if you're scared. Do it even if you don't really know what "it" is. You won't regret it. You'll only regret what you could have done.
Until next time,
Comments